Post 27 - Female Health (finally!)

Alright, girlfriends, help a sister out, okay?

How many of you are in your forties (or close to it or just past it... whatever) and wondering what in the world is going on with your body? *raises hand* There is no way, simply none, that I can be the only woman in the world who is completely confused by her hormones right now. No way. Please tell me I'm not the only one who is:

1. Having ridiculously stupid periods (heavy enough that I have to actually "take it easy" for a day or two).
2. Having ridiculously stupid mood swings. I've never been one to be particularly moody when it's that time of the month but suddenly I've noticed that I cry about the dumbest things. And I -KNOW- why I'm doing it but can't stop! Thank God I have a man who (usually) just takes it and laughs a little before nervously asking me, "honey, is it about that time of the month?" My initial thought is that I'd like to throw a shoe at his head for asking but within a nanosecond, I think, "Oh my gosh, he's RIGHT! Ugh, is it that obvious??" Well, duh. Of course it is.
3. Hair in weird places??!! I thought this was a man thing! You know... hair stops growing on top of their heads and suddenly starts sprouting from places like their nostrils and their ears? I don't have nose or ear hair (eeoo... just... eeoo) but when I was washing my face last night, I noticed what looked like some tiny blonde hairs on my face. WHAT??!! These need to go away, stat! But what to do? If I pull them out in some way, does the "three more will grow back in its place" rule apply? Because if that happens, I think I'll die. Seriously!
4. Graying. Alright, we need to have a talk. My hair is starting to... get gray. ish. Not hugely, way-gray but still. I've seen some of you out and about. You're my age or older. And you're sporting fabulously lush, colourful hair. What are you doing to keep it that way? More to the point, is this going to be expensive and/or painful? Also needed to know: graying south of the border. Be honest - how bad is it? And what do you DO about it?? This has not been an issue yet but I worry anyway!
   
5. Facial Skin. How can I still be having blemishes? Why?? And what do you do about some of the drooping that's going on? I don't want jowls! Yes, I'm whining. No, I won't stop. And no, it's not that time of the month!
6. Body stuff. Please tell me I'm not the only woman in the entire universe who is obsessing over back fat and a belly that sags inappropriately! A little pudge is okay. Everyone except the occasional freak of nature has that, right? I'm talking panties-stuck-under-overhanging-belly-flab sag stuff. Make it go awaaaaaay! And this year I noticed a little of the c-word (cellulite?! D-: ) on my thighs. See, now, this simply will not do! Until now, I've always been able to say, "well, okay, so my belly is a little excessive in the pudge department; at least I have kick-ass legs!"

I am actually going to tag several of my friends who aren't blog members when I finish writing this. I want feedback! Please share your experiences on what it's like being a woman going through her late 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond - inquiring minds want to know how you're getting along and, more to the point, how we're (and by 'we,' yes, I mean 'me') going to make it through this mid-life adolescence!