Post 28 - NOOOO!! I'm Doing It Again!!

Argh! I don't want this blog to dwindle to the nothingness of blogs and diaries past! I don't, I don't, I don't! I have to stay on track. Okay, get back on track and stay there. So whatup?

Ugh, I have been SO tired lately! I get up, go to work, get home 12 hours later and all I want to do is just curl up on the couch, watch a movie with Marc and go to sleep. Which is, more or less, exactly what I've been doing for the past 7 days. I haven't figured out yet how to create posts from my Droid but, when I do, I think that'll make it a little easier. So that's my task for this weekend: figure out how to blog from the droid.

Anyway! My friend, Laura (we call her Lolly - it fits; she's adorable!) came to visit me last Thursday. I showed her my last blog and we stayed up half the night talking and laughing our butts off about how our bodies are changing! Thank GOD I'm not the only woman over 40 going through these things. In fact, from the responses I received to that post when I gave a link on my Facebook page, I feel much, much better. My friend, Juanita, said that her 40s were all about getting comfortable with the way her body was changing and that she's amazed she made it through that decade without killing someone (phew, see? Perimenopausal homicidal maniacal thoughts are perfectly normal after all!) And one of my younger girlfriends, Jamie, posted a link to a blog about mom-jeans that had me crying with laughter. But it also gave me hope! The author of the blog included a follow-up post demonstrating the difference a good pair of jeans made on her own 50-something mom's tush! So yay! Maybe it sounds silly but I worry about things like post-40s flat butt syndrome!

Oh! Other news - last Friday, Marc called me at 4am my time (11am his) to inform me that his e-ticket to Chicago arrived! Even though we've known each other for nearly three years, this will be our first time meeting in person. He arrives on 20 May 2010 - less than four weeks away!! - and we're so excited we can hardly stand it!

One more update thingie to touch on for now: one of the main reasons I'm keeping this blog is because I want to "practice the craft of writing." I have a couple of book ideas in my head that I intend to write. One of them is going to be a book - half of it photojournalism - about people. One person per page. How did they become who they are? Who were they when they were little? What did they dream of becoming? I got this idea a couple of years ago when I was riding the CTA (Chicago's transportation system). An adorable little girl hopped onto the bus and then, alternating from one foot to the other, hopped all the way to her seat while clutching her mother's hand. Boarding the bus at the same time was a very unkempt woman: tangled hair, sallow skin... everything about her looked so defeated. And I thought to myself, "you know, at one time in that woman's life, she was just like that little girl, hopping, holding someone's hand, head full of dreams. What happened??" And I began to look around the bus. There were career people in trenchcoats with computer bags, people who were shopping at Macy's and American Girl, elderly people bunched up together chattering like magpies... and so on. It made me wonder how any of us gets where we get in life. Everyone has a story and I don't think we *always* need to hear about the so-called success stories of the likes of Donald Trump and the hot celebrity du jour. So I intend to write a book about people. Rich people, homeless people and everything in between. No rush. People aren't going anywhere. But I have got to start being more disciplined about practicing my craft. *cracks whip at herself*

'Nuff said for now - time for me to get ready for work! I've missed you, whoever you are, and hope you're well. We'll chat again soon, I promise; after all, we've got some serious catching up to do!

Post 27 - Female Health (finally!)

Alright, girlfriends, help a sister out, okay?

How many of you are in your forties (or close to it or just past it... whatever) and wondering what in the world is going on with your body? *raises hand* There is no way, simply none, that I can be the only woman in the world who is completely confused by her hormones right now. No way. Please tell me I'm not the only one who is:

1. Having ridiculously stupid periods (heavy enough that I have to actually "take it easy" for a day or two).
2. Having ridiculously stupid mood swings. I've never been one to be particularly moody when it's that time of the month but suddenly I've noticed that I cry about the dumbest things. And I -KNOW- why I'm doing it but can't stop! Thank God I have a man who (usually) just takes it and laughs a little before nervously asking me, "honey, is it about that time of the month?" My initial thought is that I'd like to throw a shoe at his head for asking but within a nanosecond, I think, "Oh my gosh, he's RIGHT! Ugh, is it that obvious??" Well, duh. Of course it is.
3. Hair in weird places??!! I thought this was a man thing! You know... hair stops growing on top of their heads and suddenly starts sprouting from places like their nostrils and their ears? I don't have nose or ear hair (eeoo... just... eeoo) but when I was washing my face last night, I noticed what looked like some tiny blonde hairs on my face. WHAT??!! These need to go away, stat! But what to do? If I pull them out in some way, does the "three more will grow back in its place" rule apply? Because if that happens, I think I'll die. Seriously!
4. Graying. Alright, we need to have a talk. My hair is starting to... get gray. ish. Not hugely, way-gray but still. I've seen some of you out and about. You're my age or older. And you're sporting fabulously lush, colourful hair. What are you doing to keep it that way? More to the point, is this going to be expensive and/or painful? Also needed to know: graying south of the border. Be honest - how bad is it? And what do you DO about it?? This has not been an issue yet but I worry anyway!
   
5. Facial Skin. How can I still be having blemishes? Why?? And what do you do about some of the drooping that's going on? I don't want jowls! Yes, I'm whining. No, I won't stop. And no, it's not that time of the month!
6. Body stuff. Please tell me I'm not the only woman in the entire universe who is obsessing over back fat and a belly that sags inappropriately! A little pudge is okay. Everyone except the occasional freak of nature has that, right? I'm talking panties-stuck-under-overhanging-belly-flab sag stuff. Make it go awaaaaaay! And this year I noticed a little of the c-word (cellulite?! D-: ) on my thighs. See, now, this simply will not do! Until now, I've always been able to say, "well, okay, so my belly is a little excessive in the pudge department; at least I have kick-ass legs!"

I am actually going to tag several of my friends who aren't blog members when I finish writing this. I want feedback! Please share your experiences on what it's like being a woman going through her late 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond - inquiring minds want to know how you're getting along and, more to the point, how we're (and by 'we,' yes, I mean 'me') going to make it through this mid-life adolescence!

Day 28 (Post 26) - Preempting The Female Health Stuff

So today, Marc and I booked his flight. Well, kind of - we haven't gotten the confirmation email yet but it's coming! It was a hugely emotionally draining day for me. I mean, it's great news but you know how it is when you've wanted something so badly for SUCH a long time? Then, when it's finally becoming a reality, all the adrenaline you channeled toward hoping for that thing to happen floods out of you. My whole days was an outpouring of that hoping. And now I am flat-out exhausted. I spent most of my day either squeaking "ohmygosh, REALLY???" to him or finding myself in a daze, thinking, "wow, it's really finally going to happen." I mean, heck, I've only been waiting for this for 416 days now... no big deal, right? After three years of friendship and more than a year as a couple, we are finally going to meet each other face to face in person. What a rush!

So naturally, by the time I got home tonight (late since I had to get groceries, too), we got into a bickerfest. *chuckles* I kind of started it with my crabbiness but it was his insensitivity that set me off. Yeah, that's right - it's true luuuuuuuuuve, hahaha! I tried to take the easy way out and tell him it had been a long (though good) day and I was just exhausted but he kept pushing, wanting to know what in the world my problem was, so finally I told him what was bothering me. I'd had a long day and wanted some alone time with him when I got home but he was feeling ultra social and wanted me to join him while he was having fun with some of our friends. Baaaad combination. bad bad bad! Toward the end of our conversation, I could tell he really wanted to get to sleep but, of course, I wasn't done proving my point so I had to keep talking. Which, as I'm sure you can imagine, went over like a concrete balloon. So when we said good night, we were both pretty crabby. He sometimes says "gee, I'm so sorry I made the princess wait a minute and a half before I answered her!" but tonight, knowing he'd say that, I replied, "you are so fond of sarcastically calling me 'princess' and telling me that I have no patience but guess what? It was 30 minutes, not 1.5 minutes. And maybe, just maybe this time you might say 'I see your point' or something like it!" Well. He didn't apologise and he did go to bed crabby. But before he logged off, he said this:

"I can barely keep my eyes open. I had a blast with you today. You ARE my princess and I love you. Now, good night!"

I don't know whether to throw a shoe at his head or kiss him. Either way, I love him like nobody's business. And I can barely keep MY eyes open too so, good night to you!

p.s. female health discussion tomorrow!

Day 27 (Post 25) - Up All Night

K, first things first: Marc is back! Marc is back! (for those of you who aren't in the know, he's struggling with some depression. No, it's not a long-term issue he's been having but the recession hit hard and, as a man who defines himself largely by what kind of provider he is, his ego, understandably took a pretty big blow when he couldn't find work. I don't really want to get into it because, somewhere along the line, someone with good intentions who doesn't know him very well (or at all) comes up with all sorts of "better break up with him" advice and I end up getting defensive because, really, when someone says that, you only have two responses: "you're wrong" or "you're right." Either way, I lose that conversation. So I just refuse to have it. Fair enough? Good.

So back to what I was saying: Marc is back! Marc is back! And I am GLAD. More good news: he's coming here to visit FINALLY. Very brief background: Marc and I have known each other nearly three years. We've been an online, long-distance couple for just over a year (it was a year on 21 February 2010) but we have yet to meet in person. Something else many people don't knnow: I haven't seen Marc on a webcam since March 2009. That's right; I haven't even seen him for more than a year. We do talk on Skype daily though and, frankly, although it's been a year, I do remember what he looked like then and I liked what I saw. I don't imagine he's changed a whole lot *smile* He'll be here on 13 May so I'll let you know if I'm wrong, not that it matters.... Love the guy and I'm so excited he's coming!

Other news: to celebrate his return, we stayed up all night, had a very long talk about how his "caving" impacts me. It was a difficult conversation. I said some things that were very painful for him to hear but he clearly understood my pain and how his choices impact us. I'm not a fool - I won't say he'll never cave again but at least this time, he finally knows just how badly it hurts me. After we had some time to talk through our stuff, we did a few activities in Second Life that we both absolutely intend to do when we are together in real life. If you've never heard of it, Second Life is this cool little pixelated world in which you create a highly detailed avatar to represent you. And then your avatar lives in this little world online along with about 10,000,000 other avatars from all over the globe. Some of my closest friends in Second Life are from Brazil, India, Canada, France, the Netherlands and Ireland, to name just a few countries. But I digress. Marc and I spend time in Second Life doing things together that are physically impossible for us to do in real life when we're 4,500 miles apart. Sometimes we fish, sometimes we go exploring... we've gone bowlling, even! But tonight was all about doing something we truly dream of doing together in real life:


We own a house in Second Life together - a lovely Spanish Villa with a roof-top deck. Tonight we played gorgeous Cuban music and did the Argentinian Tango as we just enjoyed the music, each other, and dreaming about our future. We don't just *want* this for ourselves one day. We intend for it to happen.

May 13. He'll be here on MAY 13. I can hardly believe it. After all this time, after doing so many things with our little cartoony selves, we are finally going to meet each other in person. Hooray!

I have a really big thing I want to talk about in my next blog entry. It's about 'feminine health' issues. Have you ever noticed that everyone's a little "hush-hush" about what goes on when you hit perimenopause? I have absolutely no idea what to expect - and it doesn't feel all that different from when I was a little kid and trying desperately to find out how babies are made! Ah well, enough for now - but know that it's coming. I really want to talk about this and I hope you'll either give me some answers or join me in the quest for knowledge! For now, though? Sleep.... I need sleep!

Good night, whoever you are - we'll chat soon!

Day 26 (Post 24) - A Weird Lunch

Today, I met a new friend.

This strange, little man from Kansas City. I think he's terrified of women. Make no mistake - he totally lusts after them. It's a little creepy... but not a lot. I think he's just not got a whole lot in the "social graces" department.

Anyway, we met on Craig's List under the "Strictly Platonic" section. I post there from time to time. Now, to me, "Strictly Platonic" sends a fairly clear message. As in "this is STRICTLY PLATONIC," right? So... why I get dozens of emails from married men wanting to hook up is absolutely beyond me. Especially since I even go so far as to clarify in my ads: "This is STRICTLY PLATONIC. If I wanted something else, I'd have posted in the casual encounters section. So if you're hoping to have some sort of romantic and/or sex thing with me, move along - it won't be happening!" I mean, really. How much clearer can I get? But still, they write. I dunno. Maybe they think it's a challenge or something. Oh well. It's the impossible challenge, I guess. Cause it ain't gonna happen!

So back to today's lunch. Strange, sad little guy was actually sweet, once I got him to talk out of this... I don't know what it was. An attempt at posturing? At one point, he told me someone had told him he is a "DILF." Really. *raising one eyebrow* Because, my (internal) response was, "Are you sure she didn't say DIDNLF? (Dad I'd Definitely Not Like to...)" But did I say that out loud? Nay! I think I twitched ever so slightly before smiling and changing the subject. I mean, really, what else do you say to that? A little redirect works wonders in situations like that.

And like I said, as long as I could get him off of his hang ups about women, he was actually a nice guy. So our conversations would go something like this:

CL Friend: "I am really into black women. I guess that saying is true about how once you go black you never go back!"
Me: "Uh-huh. Is your wife black?"
CL Friend: "oh uh, heh heh heh... *longish silence* ...no, she isn't."
Me: "Interesting. Say, what do you think is in this salad? It is REALLY good, don't you think?"
CL Friend: (looking slightly confused) "Uhm, I don't know? But yeah, it really is!"

Redirect mission accomplished! And lunch was actually fantastic. We ate at the Mana Bar in Wicker Park. It's vegan. Now, don't get all excited. I'm carnivorous. But hey, nothing ventured nothing gained so I thought I'd give it a try and the food was outstanding! There was a jicima/mango/cucumber salad that I have *got* to recreate because I intend for it to become a staple in my summer eating. DEEEE-licious! I also had avocado ice cream and it was amazing - not overly sweet, which was perfect for me. Don't think I'll be making that any time soon but, if there's a store that sells it, I am SO there!

After that, I showed him around the neighborhood a little, which he appreciated. LOL - he's definitely socially backward. Second noteworthy, socially awkward conversation:

CL Friend: "My wife is much more disciplined about exercise than I am. I only run a mile or two at a time."
Me: "Ugh. Jealous! I don't run - wish I did - but just can't get motivated to do it! *looks down at slightly overweight physique* I know, big shocker, hahaha!"
CL Friend: "oh! haha! Yeah, you're joking. right! You know, I never know if it's appropriate to say something completely sarcastic like, 'No really??? I couldn't tell!' "
Me: (breathing slowly) "Oh pffff! I joke about it all the time! Sure, go ahead - but don't be surprised when you get a sharp elbow jab, hehehe!" (in my head, thinking, "just try and say it, buddy. juuuuuust try it.")

But the funny thing is, the guy clearly just has no clue what is and is not okay to say to people. So in a way, it really just made me feel like taking him under my wing and helping him learn how to talk to people in a way that made them NOT want to put him in a choke hold. LOL! Alright, alright... enough of me lording over Mr. Socially Inept. All in all, it was a nice visit, lunch was fantastic and sure, I'd go again. In fact, if he's ever back in town, I'll be glad to join him for lunch again. But we're eating meat next time. I think I'll take him to Kuma's Corner. heh. heh heh.

Day 25 (Post 23) - Work, Work, Work

You know, I consider myself blessed. I absolutely love the work that I do. I'll elaborate about this when I'm more in the mood but I'm a nanny. Only, I don't just, you know, nanny. I really try to take it above and beyond the standard role and I think it shows. It took me a while to break into this as a career (anyone can babysit; nannying is a little trickier; becoming a highly sought after nanny in a large city takes some serious effort!) but, once I got going, wow, did I ever get going!

During the day, I work for one family with the sweetest little girl - she's an absolute doll baby (age 1). That's full time, Monday through Thursday. On Friday nights, I work for a family with four, brilliant, fascinating, hilarious and exhausting kids! I love them like crazy and they wear me OUT! That was my family tonight. During my weekdays, the most challenging thing I have to face is making sure the one year old doesn't stick her hands in her private place while I'm changing her poopy diaper. On Friday nights, the challenges are anywhere from explaining to the 7 year old why it's inappropriate to dump a glass of water on her brother's head after he's stuck his finger in her glass to telling the four year old that no, he certainly did not pay for that scooter that's been in the family since before he was born and yes he will too share, whether he likes it or not. To tell you the truth, I get a kick out of those kids - they challenge me, entertain me, and they know I adore them!

And to me, it's so funny that I found my passion when I lost my "career" during the recession. How about that, hm? I had lost my job (down-sized) and, wondering how in the world I was going to pay my rent, I thought, "I know! I'll watch kids! I'm really good at that and clearly people are still having babies!" and voila - the job that was just supposed to get me through the recession became the career of my dreams. Crazy, I tell you, but true.

I get calls so often that I could, quite literally, be working 16 hours a day, 7 days a week. I go through phases where I do work 6 days a week (my reasoning being "well, I'd just be sitting around at home anyway; might as well make some money!") but lately I've been taking my weekends off just to enjoy myself. Ah, bliss!

Day 24 (Post 22) - A Few Random Thoughts To Share

I'm humbled. Thank you for your sweet words, friends. I take them all, turn them over in my head and analyze them from every angle, then tuck them into a corner for safe keeping. I'm really not sure what to make of Marc being offline for such a long time without any contact. I'd like to say "I'm not giving it another thought!" but that would be a big, fat lie. Of course I think about it! And every once in a while, I get a little teary, wondering what in the world is going on. But mostly, I'm just living life and, to tell the truth, absolutely loving the life I'm living so, all in all, if he never gets it together, it's his loss! Now, since I don't want this to become one of those blogs where some poor, hapless soul cries mournfully forever and ever over her beloved whozit, let's move on and talk about something else!

Oh! I finally saw my first gang fight in Chicago. I was on the bus heading home when these guys who'd been sitting on the back of the bus jumped some other guy sitting alone in his seat. It happened so quickly!! They stood up as if to get off the bus then, one by one, they ran up to this guy and began punching and kicking him before racing off the bus! Craziness! I didn't even notice that I'd stood up and run toward them while yelling "HEY! KNOCK IT OFF!!" until afterward. Thankfully, the guy they were beating on was alright; unfortunately, even though the bus driver chased them, they got away. If there's ever a next time, I'll be ready with my camera to get photos of faces. People like that make me so angry - who do they think they are to treat someone that way??

Okay.... *breathing deeply* ..... and all better!

I'm thinking about starting a second, work-related blog. It would be geared toward helping people who'd truly like to start a career in nannying here in Chicago. I think people generally think of nannies as either an au pair (not the same thing) or an illegal immigrant or a college student. The thing is, this is a terrific career for someone who loves to help families and who loves working with children. As long as s/he knows how to market her/himself. The best piece of career advice I ever received could be applied to any career. My recruiter at the consulting firm I worked for before moving to Chicago told me, "Kelley, whatever you do with your job, watch everyone and learn. Then, even if you want to be good at everything, find one thing you can do better than anyone you know, put yourself above the crowd with that specialty and make sure everyone knows you're the best." That's what I try to live by with all of my work endeavors and it's served me well, so thank you very much Theresa Holley, wherever you are!

Speaking of words I try to live by, I want to point out the photo in my Facebook Avatar. If you can't see it clearly, it's two side-by-side photos: one of me at 15 and one of me taken last week. Underneath the two photos, it says one word: PHENOMENAL. And below that, I've written the following: "Why in the world would I want to being the girl I was? She's only a fraction of the woman I am today!" I want everyone - male or female - to remember that! Who we were is just one small part of who we become... I feel so much fuller, richer and content knowing that who I was is just a small part of the whole of me, you know?

Alright, whoever you are, it's been a long, busy week and I'm knackered... I need sleep! I hope your week is going amazingly well. I'll be back tomorrow, I promise! G'night!

Day 23 (Post 21) - I'm Here, I'm Here, I'm Here!

First things first: Apologies and thanks! I apologise for not posting daily; I said I would, darn it! The only excuse I have is that I've been spending time with my kids, working a lot, and by the end of the day, I've been so tired that I could barely keep my eyes open. I'm not adjusting well to this whole "spring forward" time change thing (I've always hated it but this year seems to be particularly exhausting) and it's stormy season here in the Windy City which means that my dog (who hates storms as much as I hate time changes) keeps me up for hours in the middle of the night. Bleah! Those are my lame excuses and it's time to get back on track! I think, rather than saying "I'm going to do this every, single day for a year," I'm amending my goal to 365 posts in a year. That way, I won't feel quite as guilty if I get the flu or go out of town & forget the laptop or whatever. So there it is. 365 posts in 365 days! Which brings me to my thanks: THANK YOU TO EVERYONE who posted a message, sent an email, etc. saying "what??? no posts?? you're behind!!" Please keep holding me accountable - it helps!!!

And on to the goings on in the world of Kelley:

Last weekend, my youngest daughter came to spend Easter weekend with me. For those who don't know her, my daughter has been battling an anxiety disorder since she was 7 years old. It's called trichotillomania, which means that she pulls her hair out as a stress reliever. She actually overcame her disorder last summer and I am SO proud of her! However, her replacement hair growth has been very slow - her hair grows slowly anyway - so she wears her hair up every, single day because she is embarrassed about the patch of hair that has clearly not fully grown back in again. I did a lot of thinking about how I could help her - and I have been scrimping and saving every week so that I can save money, restore my credit and do a few things for my kids too. That said, I decided to make some phone calls. On April 17, I'm taking my Bekah in to get hair extensions while her true hair grows in. She cried (you have to understand, she's generally not the teary type) and said it's the best gift she's ever gotten in her life. I love my kids like crazy and to finally be in a position to be able to offer this to her... I can't tell you the joy it gives me. I'll post pictures of the big day when it gets here!

Other goings on: *sigh* *big, big sigh* My boyfriend. I love him. I do. But he's going through a serious depression. Which means that he checks out of life from time to time. I hate it. Passionately. I mean, I understand the need to withdraw from the world when you feel like you're drowning - I do! I've done it! - but I don't understand why, unless you're really angry with someone or hurt by them, someone can't just pick up the phone, send an email, or SOMETHING saying, "I love you and I'm still having a rough day/weekend/week; I'll check in in a few days to let you know how I'm doing." It's been more than three weeks since I've heard from him. That is unacceptably not cool. The first week, I was completely fine with it. Week two was more like, "okay... he'll be back soon." By last week, I was a basket case. This week? This week, I say, "ah well, you know what? It's his problem. If he's not responsible enough to even take the care to check in and let me know he's alive, then I need to quit sitting around being sad and start living my life." So, whenever he gets back online, we'll be having a talk. Depression happens and it's devastating, yes. HOWEVER, that does not make it okay to not have some accountability to this woman he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with. I'll say it again: I do love him! But you know what? I love ME, too, and if he's not going to make me a priority, guess what? I'M going to make me a priority! Time to live life - I have too much to offer life than to sit around waiting for him to decide whether or not he's going to get his head out of his backside. I hope he does - I truly do! In the meantime, there's a whole world out here for me to explore and enjoy and that's EXACTLY what I'm going to do!

Alright, whoever you are; enough about me. How are YOU? I think about you often. Are you an old friend of mine? A new acquaintance? Someone I haven't met yet but who just reads along occasionally? Well, whoever you are, I'm glad you're here. I just wanted you to know.

Looking forward to our next chat...

Day 18 - More On The Law of Attraction

So how do you do it? It sounds like some goofy hocus-pocus thing, right? I told you when I first heard of the law of attraction, I immediately dismissed it as the latest feel-good silly fad. My sweet friend, Sue, kept trying to tell me about it and I can't help wondering if she noticed my eyes glazing over as I zoned out while she was talking. I was trying to "be polite," you see. Isn't that awful? Ugh, the things we do when we think we're so much more practical than someone else. I'm embarrassed and a little ashamed to admit it but that's exactly what I did.

October 2009: Enter the book "Excuse Me, Your LIFE Is Waiting" into my unsuspecting hands. I picked this book up from a freebie table in my apartment building (to be honest, I only picked it up because it was free and I'm a book scavenger. If it's a book and it's in readable condition, I want it. Period.) and I casually threw it onto my night stand. It sat there for a few days, neglected. Day three or so, I was sitting on the edge of my bed putting on some socks when the subtitle caught my eye: "the astonishing power of feelings." hmm. I had to admit that even I had noticed that my attitude could kind of make or break at least a portion of my day... so I turned the book over and read: "Excuse Me, your LIFE Is Waiting clarifies why most of our dreams have never materialized, why the majority of us have lived with all-too-empty bank accounts, tough relationships, failing health, and often spiritually unfulfilling lives. Most importantly, in an easy-to-read style peppered with logical explanations, simple steps and true-life examples, Lynn Grabhorn shows us how to turn it all around right now."

and that was all it took to get me to open the book. As I read, I found I couldn't put this book down. There was so much information in there and my whole life - my whole life!!! - I'd been doing it wrong. Good grief, no wonder my life had been in such a shambles! One of the very first lessons I learned was how to identify specific feelings and differentiate between a POSITIVE feeling and a NEGATIVE feeling. You'd think that one's a no-brainer but it's actually a little more complicated than the obvious. In the basest of terms, when you think about a feeling, if it makes you feel good, then it's a positive feeling. You want as much of that as you can - that's called "keeping your valve open." Remember how I was talking about everything in the universe is made up of energy? When our valves are open and we're feeling positive feelings, we're vibrating on a high frequency which attracts other high frequency (positive) things. The more positive vibrations we put out, the more positive vibrations we receive. And the more positive vibrations we receive, the more we attract even MORE positive vibrations. And that, dear whoever you are, is how good and positive things start coming our way. When we're feeling negative feelings, the same thing happens only on a low frequency. We put out negative/low frequency vibrations and guess what we get back? More of the same stuff. That's just logical when you really think about it.

There are four basic steps to living the Law of Attraction:

1. Identify what you DON'T want.
2. Identify what you DO want.
3. Imagine what it FEELS like to have the thing you want.
4. Expect it to happen.

Notice the last item. I said expect it to happen; not keep your hopes up. So! Here's the thing. If your life is a shambles, YOU have the power to change that right there within you right this very minute. That doesn't mean that everything gets better magically. But if you truly, truly open yourself up to positive feelings, your life can get on the fast track to unbelievably joyful things faster than you might imagine possible. So how do you do that whole business of "opening yourself up to positive feelings?" Tell you more tomorrow. It's REALLY good stuff, I promise. For now, I'll leave you with a couple of "Do This and Don't Do That" items to get you started. Ready?

• STOP thinking your life has to change in order for you to be happy. Decide you're going to find joy in your journey right here, right now, where you're at in life.
• STOP thinking it won't happen. Stop it right now!! That kind of negative feeling will guarantee you that it won't.
• DON'T try to figure out the ugly reasons for the bad things in your life. Stop it right this minute! All you're doing when you do that is thinking about the negatives and giving them more power over your life. They've had entirely too much power already, don't you think?
• DO make time to dream, imagine and intend a little every, single day. Dream big and allow yourself the time you need to get that positive feeling flowing!
• DO pay attention to your feelings. Whenever you're feeling off-center or blue, do this: stop, take a moment to regain your emotional balance, and then find a way, a thought, an action... something to make yourself feel better. And then do it again. And again. And feel better.
• Talk tenderly to yourself every, single day. Be your best friend and nurture yourself. You DO deserve it.

That's it for now - I can't wait to talk to you about this tomorrow, too. If you're heading to bed, sweet dreams and if you're on your way up for the day, make it a great one, whoever you are, because you seriously ROCK!


P.S. Hello to my readers who haven't created accounts to "officially" follow me yet. Thank you for letting me know you're reading - I'm so glad you're here!