Day 26 (Post 24) - A Weird Lunch

Today, I met a new friend.

This strange, little man from Kansas City. I think he's terrified of women. Make no mistake - he totally lusts after them. It's a little creepy... but not a lot. I think he's just not got a whole lot in the "social graces" department.

Anyway, we met on Craig's List under the "Strictly Platonic" section. I post there from time to time. Now, to me, "Strictly Platonic" sends a fairly clear message. As in "this is STRICTLY PLATONIC," right? So... why I get dozens of emails from married men wanting to hook up is absolutely beyond me. Especially since I even go so far as to clarify in my ads: "This is STRICTLY PLATONIC. If I wanted something else, I'd have posted in the casual encounters section. So if you're hoping to have some sort of romantic and/or sex thing with me, move along - it won't be happening!" I mean, really. How much clearer can I get? But still, they write. I dunno. Maybe they think it's a challenge or something. Oh well. It's the impossible challenge, I guess. Cause it ain't gonna happen!

So back to today's lunch. Strange, sad little guy was actually sweet, once I got him to talk out of this... I don't know what it was. An attempt at posturing? At one point, he told me someone had told him he is a "DILF." Really. *raising one eyebrow* Because, my (internal) response was, "Are you sure she didn't say DIDNLF? (Dad I'd Definitely Not Like to...)" But did I say that out loud? Nay! I think I twitched ever so slightly before smiling and changing the subject. I mean, really, what else do you say to that? A little redirect works wonders in situations like that.

And like I said, as long as I could get him off of his hang ups about women, he was actually a nice guy. So our conversations would go something like this:

CL Friend: "I am really into black women. I guess that saying is true about how once you go black you never go back!"
Me: "Uh-huh. Is your wife black?"
CL Friend: "oh uh, heh heh heh... *longish silence* ...no, she isn't."
Me: "Interesting. Say, what do you think is in this salad? It is REALLY good, don't you think?"
CL Friend: (looking slightly confused) "Uhm, I don't know? But yeah, it really is!"

Redirect mission accomplished! And lunch was actually fantastic. We ate at the Mana Bar in Wicker Park. It's vegan. Now, don't get all excited. I'm carnivorous. But hey, nothing ventured nothing gained so I thought I'd give it a try and the food was outstanding! There was a jicima/mango/cucumber salad that I have *got* to recreate because I intend for it to become a staple in my summer eating. DEEEE-licious! I also had avocado ice cream and it was amazing - not overly sweet, which was perfect for me. Don't think I'll be making that any time soon but, if there's a store that sells it, I am SO there!

After that, I showed him around the neighborhood a little, which he appreciated. LOL - he's definitely socially backward. Second noteworthy, socially awkward conversation:

CL Friend: "My wife is much more disciplined about exercise than I am. I only run a mile or two at a time."
Me: "Ugh. Jealous! I don't run - wish I did - but just can't get motivated to do it! *looks down at slightly overweight physique* I know, big shocker, hahaha!"
CL Friend: "oh! haha! Yeah, you're joking. right! You know, I never know if it's appropriate to say something completely sarcastic like, 'No really??? I couldn't tell!' "
Me: (breathing slowly) "Oh pffff! I joke about it all the time! Sure, go ahead - but don't be surprised when you get a sharp elbow jab, hehehe!" (in my head, thinking, "just try and say it, buddy. juuuuuust try it.")

But the funny thing is, the guy clearly just has no clue what is and is not okay to say to people. So in a way, it really just made me feel like taking him under my wing and helping him learn how to talk to people in a way that made them NOT want to put him in a choke hold. LOL! Alright, alright... enough of me lording over Mr. Socially Inept. All in all, it was a nice visit, lunch was fantastic and sure, I'd go again. In fact, if he's ever back in town, I'll be glad to join him for lunch again. But we're eating meat next time. I think I'll take him to Kuma's Corner. heh. heh heh.