Post 46 - Getting Motivated

Today I decided to write about something I struggle with when it comes to exercise: MOTIVATION. Do you ever feel that way? Like, "ugh, I can't do it. I don't want to do it. It's not working anyway so why bother??" That's me to a tee. I practically break my neck to get to the studio for a work out, I get exhausted, I go home and want to cry because, while Joe has already lost, like, 8 pounds, I don't see even one tiny difference in my body. I feel better but I want to look better - right now, please! Okay, logically, I know this is part of the journey. I also know I live in a world of "gotta have it right now" instant gratification. But darn it, it's frustrating!

*bangs head against wall*

Well, I went to Zumba on Wednesday. Let me tell you - just getting to Zumba is an adventure and a half! I live in Chicago and rely on public transportation which means it takes a while to get from Point A to Point B (hey, it's cool - I'm doing my part to reduce my carbon footprint for our environment). So here's how I get from my own Point A (work) to Point B (Zumba):

5:45 - Leave work
5:55 - Get on bus to get home
6:20 - Arrive at home, take dog out for a very quick potty break
6:35 - Leave home
6:40 - Get back on bus to go to Zumba. Text/whine with Joe the entire way.
7:05 - Get off bus to go to Zumba (two blocks away) at Dance Spa South
7:10 - Arrive at Zumba completely out of breath

That's pretty much it. See? Tight schedule! But I make it two times each week. I'm thinking about switching to a Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday schedule so I can go three days a week instead of two. Once the three-month special at Dance Spa South that I talked about in my last post kicks off (AUGUST 1, FELLOW CHICAGOANS!!), I'd like to try to be there at least 4 days a week - but maybe that's a little ambitious; I'm not sure! Then again, Christa's offering some incredible things with the package so... maybe I just need to find a way to fit in 4 days!

So how'd this past Wednesday go? Pretty well, except for feeling a little moody about not suddenly being Christa's size. Or at least in that general vicinity. Plus, for some reason, this week I'm feeling "old!" I mean, what's THAT all about? I don't mind my age at all! Except sometimes I think "do I look like a complete ass doing these dance moves? We did NOT move our hips like this when we danced back in 1989!" Then I thought, "I bet Demi Moore can do these damn dance steps and she's older than I am so, if she can do them, I'll freaking figure it out!" and I keep right on dancing. I just... *shudder*.... do not want to look like one of those adorable old men who dance at weddings with their grand daughter's best friends, gyrating their hips in that old man way. Do you know what I mean? Like this:



He's adorable. But he's 85!!!!!!!! I want to look hot, sexy... 45! Not 85! Yes, I know I'm whining... and *sigh* yes, I'm aware that instant gratification is just a fantasy, not at all realistic.

So this past Wednesday, I was at Zumba and plugging away. Now, I've noticed two things. First, no more mid-class pee breaks; in fact, no more mid-class breaks (other than the same quick water breaks that everyone takes). THAT, my friends, is progress! I've also noticed that I'm becoming more aware of the isolated movements my body is making. Know what I mean? When I do certain moves, I'm aware of my abs and I try to control the muscles while I do the moves.

Okay, not always... but sometimes!

which is a major improvement from last week when it was all about "omg, what can I do to make myself look busy so I won't have to do this song? drink some water? walk around in a circle in the back of the room looking like I'm concentrating and checking my heart rate? take another pee break?" It's a slow process but I'm getting there!

I also noticed that I'm seeing a big difference in my approach to my mental stuff in class. The first two weeks, I really didn't care a whole lot about how much energy I was exerting during each dance. Simply getting THROUGH the dance was enough to kill me (I thought). This week, however, I was aware of actually getting mad that I let myself get out of shape so badly that I can barely make it through this class. And I noticed my determination. I mean, I can say I'm determined and mean it - heck, I've written it right here in this blog enough over the past couple of weeks - but to feel it is something else entirely. And on Wednesday, I felt it. Not the exciting, Rocky-"Gonna-Fly-Now" determination but an "I will not let my past become my future" kind of anger.

And I noticed my limitations. No more delusions. Yes, I used to be able to do all sorts of things. I had energy to spare and I was always at the front of the pack. But right now my body has limits. I hate them but I'm through denying that they exist. You know what? I think it's good to finally be cognitively aware of them and open with you about them. No kidding myself or anyone else. I've got some work to do to get in shape again. And I'm over 40. It's not going to be easy. But I am absolutely determined to succeed. Now, who's in with me??


Love and Determination,

Kelley
xoxo